During a relapse or even in the beginning of our recovery stages, the mountain that is OCD recovery looks like Everest to us. I remember sitting it my university halls, consumed with POCD and existential thoughts, and just sat there utterly convinced there was no way out. How could I possibly get from this rock bottom to a place where I could begin to enjoy life again? I’m sure you’ve all thought this too. Overwhelmed and hopeless, I would read recovery stories and truly believed I was the exception. Mine was different. This wasn’t possible for me.
The truth is though, OCD recovery is possible for everyone. It does not matter how long you’ve been stuck for, how old you are, how many themes you’ve had or what you’ve done in your life. In order to get to a point where OCD has no power over us we need to change so many life perspectives that we’ve held rigidly and that have been ingrained in us since birth – this will not happen overnight. People underestimate just how much work is required to get over the mountain and so revert back to “recovery isn’t possible for me”, “the method doesn’t work”, “my case is different.” I have definitely been this person and only recently have understood just how much work is required. When we think about it though, why MUST recovery be easy? Why should it be handed to us on a plate? It’s not ideal but we are fortunate in that we can do something about our current situation.
Doing a couple of exposures a week and then calling it a day will just not work for us. OCD is a very particular anxiety disorder that requires a specific way to go about it.
Are you identifying your core fears and disputing your irrational beliefs around them? (The first book by Albert Ellis covers this very well.) Have you read all the books on the reading list and then read them again? How many exposures are you doing around your current theme? Are you bringing all anxiety and emotions for the ride? (Claire Weekes’ book will help you with this.) Have you accepted that you have OCD and stopped trying to fight it? These are just some of the questions I have been asking myself recently to help in keeping myself accountable.
I write this post without meaning to attack but with the intent that you will realize you are probably, like I was, not doing enough. Recovery is possible for you but it is imperative we realize that it isn’t a walk in the park. It could well be the hardest challenge you ever face but it will be absolutely worth it. If I really think about it I have been putting in hard work for only around six months now. The improvements are amazing and I am so happy that I am enjoying life again but I know I have a long way to go, years maybe, and that is fine! Even if it took another few years for me before I considered myself recovered, that does not scare me anymore. I am truly grateful that I am able to work myself through this no matter how long it takes – so many people do not have the opportunity to change their circumstances like we do. We can all do this!