We often think when it comes to intrusive thoughts that we need to get rid of them in order to find happiness again. However, it’s not the thoughts that are the problem, it is our reaction/irrational beliefs that we have about the thoughts which cause us so much distress. Our initial reaction is to fight the thoughts as it seems like the most logical thing to do. Unfortunately, it does not work and will only lead you to feel even more misery.
The OCD cycle works like this: you get an intrusive thought, you react to the thought and have an irrational belief about it, which then leads you to emotional disturbance. We tend to think that the intrusive thought is the cause of us being upset but if you really look into it you will find there are irrational beliefs fuelling them.
Another way in which we make ourselves emotionally disturbed by making demands about how our life must go and how people must treat us. Believing that life must go a certain way is setting ourselves up for misery. Life is not meant to be smooth sailing, there are no rules in the universe that say this. If it was meant to be easy and happy, then it would be. We need to learn to say to ourselves that we would much prefer things to go a certain way but if it doesn’t, that’s okay and we can deal with it. In fact, humans need very little in life to be happy but we teach ourselves that people and the universe owes us happiness and kindness. There are never any universal laws to say life must be hassle-free. Of course, we would prefer it but it’s not going to happen and we can deal with the hassles that are going to inevitably happen.
This all links to changing our perspectives. Our perception of our thoughts is just our opinion on them, it is not fact. I realized what perception meant once and how I was the one disturbing myself when I was stuck in a traffic jam. It was a trivial situation and I was getting really heated up as I was running late to work and thinking things like, “Why did this have to happen to me?! It shouldn’t happen, the traffic should be clear!” It dawned on me that other people are in the exact same situation as me and they aren’t getting irritated or crying about it. Therefore, I am actually choosing to make myself miserable by saying things like, “It shouldn’t happen!” So I thought to myself, “Well, why shouldn’t it? Things don’t have to happen to suit me, I just would prefer that they did! I am only upsetting myself even more by making these demands.” I changed my perspective on it by saying, “I’d much prefer there to not be a traffic jam but seeing as there is I am better off accepting it and the fact it might make me late to work. I can deal with it and it isn’t awful.” This can be applied to our irrational beliefs that fuel OCD. It is tricky to change our perspective on these thoughts but it is achievable.
I highly recommend reading How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything… Yes Anything by Albert Ellis as this book really delves into changing perspectives on yourself, life and others, and teaching ourselves to have a rational outlook on our problems. It teaches so much about unconditional acceptance that is key on the path to recovery.