Hello everyone! My name is Nicholas Pannella, I am a Chiropractor from New Jersey who now resides in the wonderful mountain state of Colorado!
For as long as I remember I have been rigid in my thinking and actions. I think we can almost all relate on this somehow. I was extremely strict on my program design in the gym, my daily structure, basically everything. What I thought was tremendous time management was actually a storm in the making. What I thought was the best thing for me turned out to be my most nightmare.
“No I can’t do that! I have to be here at a given time.”
“I absolutely can’t hike because I need to maximize my muscular development!”
All of these signs and I didn’t understand what was even happening. June 2019 I woke up with extreme tinnitus (ringing of the ears). I have subjected myself to numerous electronic music festivals, extremely loud music, car subwoofers my whole life. This wasn’t a ‘normal’ case of tinnitus. I immediately became hooked on the sound.
My stress was so high at the time from massive caffeine consumption and finishing my national board examinations during my doctor school it was a recipe for disaster. After months of chronic suffering my mind latched to Somatic OCD. This is where I dug into my pit of OCD. I began smoking again, numbing with drugs and alcohol, extreme video game usage, anything I could to find relief. I even ended up in a mental hospital for four days. I thought my life was over until a friend of mine introduced me to Rob. I continued to suffer for months and months because I wasn’t open to the ideas of change. I was too afraid.
Before I give you my ten tips for starting and continuing OCD recovery I will say this: in order to succeed in recovery, let alone anything for that matter, you need to take a leap of faith. I know this sounds clichéd but until you decide, you won’t let yourself become receptive to more rational ways of thinking.
- The tough days are coming. I thought it was appropriate to start with this because I am currently experiencing my first real set back. In the beginning when you have a few good days everything feels amazing! “Wow, I am getting my life back! I got this, no problem!” It’s understandable to react this way especially after your potentially first sense of relief in years. Then all of a sudden, OCD hits you with an upper cut. Immediately you think, “No, I was doing so well! How can this be?! Not me, please not again!” Don’t worry, everyone goes through this, I promise. It’s part of the journey. Nothing, I mean absolutely nothing in life is linear. One of the keys to recovery is facing the down moments identical to facing the better moments. This will take time, practice, and patience.
- Having a solid routine. This might not be the case for everyone but it’s key for my recovery. When I say having a routine, I don’t mean consciously distracting yourself all hours of the day. “I have to fill my day with busy moments!” This can quickly become compulsive. Let me give you an example of a health routine I have
- Wake up around same time daily (4 a.m. or 5 a.m.) – depending if I am training or not
- Take my vitamins
- Spend some time journaling or reading (if I don’t want to read then I don’t force myself)
- Shower/brush teeth/shave (the little things that can get lost in suffering)
- An appropriate amount of protein/carbs/fats that included at least one serving of fruits or veggies
- Work – no matter how bad you feel, this is completely key
- Exercise (whether it’s a program day or hiking)
- Spend time with my amazing wife and dogs
Now this sounds simple but I did none of these when I was chronically suffering. I was avoiding my whole life. Start small, even getting out of bed is a massive achievement, even if you don’t see it as one.
- Feel everything. Feeling the sensations (in my case), the thoughts, anything OCD brings along is so vital. This is going to be extremely uncomfortable for a while. If you have been running your whole OCD experience, whether it’s compulsions, avoidance, etc., this is going to be a whole new feeling. Be prepared because it is coming for you. OCD is going to feel as real as it can as Rob always say. It’s okay if you are scared at first, it’s exactly how you are going to feel.
- It’s okay to not be okay. Again, clichéd, but so important when it comes to personalities like mine. I grew up in an Italian family with a father who showed no emotions. He loved me but never said the words. This shaped me into an emotionless person. I never talked about how I was feeling because I thought it was “weird”. It’s okay to not be okay. You are not alone. People are here to listen. Rob has set up an amazing system to get the support you need, whether it’s him, the WhatsApp groups, Facebook or Instagram.
- Patience. I cannot stress this enough. This is something I believe we all struggle with to some degree during recovery. We want recovery now, we want it fast, and we want it to be pain free. Sadly this is not reality, nor will it probably ever be. It’s so easy to give up when you’re feeling down. Building patience will take time, especially if you have been impatient your whole entire life like me. If you have been a certain way for 20 years, beliefs and all, this probably won’t change as soon as you want it to. This is okay! Building patience is a vital tool for success in all areas of life, especially OCD recovery.
- Do the homework. Whether you’re using Rob or not, the homework required to recover is a staple in OCD recovery. I see this constantly with my patients. Did you do your stretches/stability work/anything I said? “Well… not really.” What does this lead to? Minimal to no real progression. The same is true for OCD recovery. In order to understand your individual OCD beliefs you need to tap into them. Some people might need more unconditional self-acceptance, some more exposures, some more uncertainty, or an equal combination of all three and more. The important thing is this, put in the work.
- Consistency. Boy, do humans struggle with consistency! Understandably so. It’s not easy to change beliefs, behaviors, or make lifestyle changes that can potentially lead to a healthier life. It’s hard work, rightfully so! But consistency rules in OCD recovery. In order to change beliefs you might want to expose yourself to your new thought process a few times a day, or however it fits your personal recovery. Whether it’s the reading, patience, or anything I have mentioned so far, little steps truly do add up in the long run!
- Removing extra unnecessary stress. This is was very important for me. I come from an extremely toxic family. The only thing holding the family together was money. Trust me when I say this, as we all know, money does not equal happiness. Anyway, sometimes it is okay to cut back on things in your life when they are causing you harm. For me, Rob highlighted how much I was using social media daily. This is so important for my recovery. Sometimes I let the world atmosphere really bog me down. Not too accepting, I know. Sometimes you need to take a step back from certain things, even if it’s only temporarily, in order to give yourself a healthier strategy for recovery. Gone for now doesn’t always mean gone forever.
- You probably don’t want the ‘old you’ back. Hannah made a great point on this in her ten tips for recovery, and I rightfully agree! It’s very easy to go down the rabbit hole of, “I need to feel like me again”, “I have lost my true self”. OCD, as always, is lying. The old you got you to where you are today. That’s like saying, “I want the old me back to start my suffering all over again!” What is probably in your best interest is creating a healthier life for yourself, whether that’s emotionally, physically, spiritually, or however you deem fit. I know personally I don’t want to go back to the rigid-thinking Nick of the past.
- YOU GOT THIS! I would be lying if this post didn’t make me cry a bit. I am currently crying. Not only am I speaking to you, but also myself. Rob and I have talked about my lack of empathy for others. My lack of compassion at times. This is another reason why I don’t want the ‘old Nick’ back. I love people. I love all of you. Whether I’ve met you or not, we all have something in common, we all have OCD. No matter where you are in your journey you have the ability to come through this. The ability to change yourself. The ability to build stronger and healthier habits. The ability to fall down and pick yourself back up. The ability to completely recover from OCD. I have faith in you.
- Bonus: laugh! Anyone in my particular OCD WhatsApp group knows I love to laugh. I love making others laugh it has always been a passion of mine. Whether it’s comedy, talking with others, joking around, there is something incredibly freeing about laughter.
Hopefully this list gave you some hope. Hopefully some of these points resonate with you whether it’s now or later. Recovery is tough, as it should be, but recovery can bring us all to a new level of understanding. <3