Why becoming a parent has been one of the best parts of my life, how recovery prepares you for raising a kid (I know, it’s been 3 weeks – shush you veteran parents 🤣), how I have been adapting to my new life, and how I plan on handling the future.
I slightly get it now. Before March 20th 2026 I wanted to be a parent, but at the same time, being the father just didn’t hit me the same way it did for Erica. I am sure a lot of mothers can relate to that.
Leading up to Roman’s delivery, it was rough. Erica was in labour for almost 2.5 days. It was tough to watch. One thing I realized is this ➡️ you women are fucking tough! Wow! She pushed from 10:45 pm to 2:07 am. What an incredible experience. Once the baby came out, which I caught, I cut the cord. Seriously a surreal experience.
It’s sad my father will never meet Roman. It’s sad my son will never say “how’s grandpa Pannella”. This is sad, but it doesn’t cripple me. This is sad, but my life goes on. This is sad, but there are more joys to life than a grandfather. That may sound morbid, but it’s quite true.
OCD recovery has been the best teacher for handling the ups and downs of parenthood, at least in the early stages. If that kid is anything like I was at 16, I am shipping him off to a winter training camp 🏕️ in Siberia.
There are a few lessons OCD recovery has taught me which have been an integral part of adapting to my new life:
- Uncertainty always exists – it’s about how you handle it.
- Being tired isn’t the most fun, but you can still do most things when dead tired. Sure, you won’t be “optimal,” but that’s life.
- Compromise – I was a horrific compromiser for the majority of my life. It was my way or the highway, bucko. I personally wanted to change that.
- Sounds, feelings, discomfort in general are annoying, but just annoying. Crying babies can be frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.
- Slowing down ✋ – I needed to learn to slow down and decrease multitasking. This has been an incredible skill. I apply it to staring at my son for 20 minutes without any distractions.
- Emotion–experience matching – something I dubbed, a phrase to describe where most, if not all, humans go wrong, understandably so. The world isn’t fair. It doesn’t owe me anything. I don’t need to feel connected to my baby. (Yes, I do believe this is easier for the husband, but not always.)
Like many women, Erica has been struggling with postnatal depression. It hasn’t been easy. Raising a kid is not easy. Working full-time, financially supporting us, being an open ear 👂 for Erica – none of it is easy.
Again, you mothers are fucking tough. I have a newfound respect for this entire experience mothers go through.
Mothers with OCD do have a hidden blessing if they seize it. Mothers who have a better understanding of acceptance and “emotion–experience” matching have a higher probability of handling that lack of connection better. No, it’s not going to be easy. Yes, many people avoid having children. Yes, the more we try and force that connection, the less likely we are to have it. And no, you don’t need to like that missing connection.
I can tell that raising a kid will be one of the best frustration tolerance challenges ever (next to an important bunker shot in golf that could ruin your highest score round)… In all seriousness, I am extremely grateful for this experience. I am grateful for a healthy baby. I am grateful for my son even if my connection isn’t what I want. I am grateful for the love and care my wife gives to our son.
Takeaways on my short time being a parent:
- If you want kids, please don’t avoid it.
- If you’re pregnant, try your best to maintain your structure as best as you can.
- If you struggle with postnatal depression, please reach out – you’re not alone.
- Take time to chip away at your beliefs surrounding connection.
- Lean into the uncertainty bringing a child into this world demands.
- Act in a way you deem loving.
- Drop the TikTok and social media nonsense about how a parent “should be.