Throughout my suffering I have on so many occasions been sat in the anxiety void and truly thought: “I do not deserve this”, “I do not deserve to have OCD”, “What did I do to deserve this disorder.” It takes us down a deep hole of self-pity and is nothing but unhelpful in recovery.
In reality the concept of deservingness is yet another idea that us as humans have created in order to feel some level of comfort and order in this world. The universe owes us absolutely nothing. If this idea was true that we get what we deserve, why do children die of cancer? Why do natural disasters happen that wipe out entire civilizations? Why do people who have committed crimes end up being more successful sometimes than people who have ‘clean slates’? It’s a false concept.
Why shouldn’t I have OCD? Where is the rule in this universe that states I shouldn’t have such a disorder? It’s unfortunate yes but it is the brain I have and the brain I’m stuck with so I better make the most of it. I’m not dying of an incurable disease, I have access to clean water and a roof over my head. It could always be worse. We are extremely lucky to be living in a time where OCD awareness is improving daily and we have the tools to recover.
In order to recover though we need to stop the self-pitying and accept where we are, how we’re feeling and what we’ve got. We need to lose the idea that the universe has our back and things will eventually work out in the end – this won’t happen. We are the only people who can make ourselves better. It takes hard work and persistence but it is absolutely possible. With OCD we are fortunate enough that we can improve our situation with the changing of our perspectives and bringing all feelings and symptoms for the ride. Other individuals with disabilities such as paraplegics and blind people do not have this luxury of being able to change their circumstances and would do anything to be given that opportunity. So let’s start using it!